What is going on? I know it hurts to move on but you have to. Please forget him. If you can’t then use that pain into something useful. Go and take over the world in your own way. And shout as loud as you can so people can hear you. Write as much as you can to show the world what you are capable of because you know you do.
Get your fix in this world. This time be patient. Be stubborn on the right things. And always be kind to others because they need it too like you do. Finally, be kind to yourself. So don’t take that blade. Put it away. In fact, throw it away in the lake! Just push through. Breathe.